his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Terrible idea I love it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
