and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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