pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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