note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
