I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
