I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
