I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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