You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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