All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
