I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
