Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
