i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
