So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
