I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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