sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
