i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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