I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
