I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
