we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize