I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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