the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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