hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize