i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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