I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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