i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize