On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
