Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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