If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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