Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
