He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
