i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
