u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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