just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
