i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
