im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
