You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
