The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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