I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
