I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
