Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
