you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
