I can text with my tongue
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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