i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
