I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
