how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize