Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
