i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
