Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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