Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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