i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
