I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
