I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
