whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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