Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
