3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
