I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
