I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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