she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
