stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
