my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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