Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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