Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We had to coat check the pizza.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
