did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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