Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
