this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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