so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
