I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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