just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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