She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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