Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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