let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
