The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
